I am in love. I have been for most of my adult life.
For the last 11 years my love has been for one person, and one person only. The love i speak of obviously refers to that which is shared between two unrelated people in a loving, sexual relationship.
Yet my lover, my partner the one to whom I want to stay with for the rest of my days sometimes feels that my love is not constant, not presently total, and perhaps too easily and thinly spread with others.
Obviously with the feelings I have for this person I am totally and strictly monogamous and would never ever stray from this view. Yet, perhaps with the best intentions I am occasionally questioned about whether I am just that, or whether my emotions could lay elsewhere.
So, where would this reasoning come from? Social media is the answer. I am a very shy person, lacking in confidence and with little going for me in either looks or personality. I do not light up a room with conversation of appearance. But, I am a nice person. I like to be nice to other people and I do care. I care even for strangers, or those that I know only through the flimsy connections of Twitter, Facebook, etc.
This side of me combined with the shyness means that social media can sometimes make me appear more outgoing, more conversational and perhaps more appealing that I do in the flesh. After all, if I mess up there is always the unfollow/delete/block button. Embarrassment can be fleeting, and arguments can cease immediately (if you so choose).
Therefore, through social media – initially with Instagram, Kik and Whatsapp – I was able to establish contacts, and even friendships with people I had never met, nor did I have any intention of meeting, not least because most of them were literally half a world away.
These connections, reciprocated by pleasantries and kind comments can sometimes easily be misunderstood for something other than what they are. As a result, and to ensure my position, and my unrelenting love I got rid of Instagram, Kik and Whatsapp, and removed all other social media from my phone other than Twitter and Google+ (Facebook I ditched months ago simply because it was pointless, and I feel still is).
This person, the one I love more than any other before or now will never read this, as being the shy person I am I have not told a soul about my blog. It is not meant to embarrass or intimidate, but simply for me to say publicly, there is only you, only ever was, and only ever will be.